LIVING IS THE SLOWEST FORM OF SUISIDE

I HAD TO ESCAPE THE PAST THAT HAUNTS ME IN EVERY WAKING MOMENT. SO OUT I CREPT INTO THE NIGHT HOLDING ONTO A RAZOR SHARP DARKNESS THAT KEEPS ME FROM GIVING UP ON LIFE...THOUGH MY HEART WAS HEAVY, AND WEARY, I ESCAPED IN TO THE DARKESS.AGNORING MY MIND QUESTIONING IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? NOW EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ESCAPED, THE PAST STILL WOULD CREEP UP ON ME AND SCREEM IN MY EAR THAT THE PAIN WOULD NEVR GO AWAY.AND REMINDING ME THAT THE SCARS WONT FADE, AND THE BLOOD WONT CONGEAL.EVERY NIGHT I WOULD PRAY FOR AN ANGEL TO CARRY ME AWAY INTO THE NIGHT AND SOAR UP TO THE MOON NEVER TO RETURN…BUT THEN REALITY WOULD WAKE ME UP AND REMIND ME THAT I WAS ALONE. I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO SELF DESTRUCT . THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS ARE TAKING PLACE IN MY PAST AND PRESENT, LUST, GLUTTONY, GREED, LAZINESS, WRATH, ENVY, AND PRIDE. MANY OF THE SINS I AM LACKING OF e.g. PRIDE...BUT OTHERS ARE MORE COMMON IN MY LIFE e.g. WRATH AND ENVY. AS THEY SAY “LIVING IS THE SLOWEST FORM OF SUISIDE” AND DAMN, AM I FEELING IT NOW, I HAVE BEEN CHEWED UP AND SPAT OUT IN THE EARTHS FACE, ALONE AND SCARED, AS THE BLACK CLOUDS OF DEATH SURROND ME. BUT MY DREAMS ARE ANSWED BY DEATH, SO WHATS THE BIG DEAL? WHY NOT JUST DIE TONIGHT? WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER ANOTHER DAY?